The Loneliest Day of the Year

If the greeting cards had any say, and they do, this would be the loneliest day of the year. Imagine Kyle sitting on his computer all by himself in the middle of the night typing something profound on the Internet about love lost, love to be found, love in in general and how everything that is generic can go to hell--yet everything is in general. He could also talk about how everything is a paradox.

In true LJ style, I'll mention that it would be amazing to share this zeal/zest/z-word for life that I have found with someone else. Yes, I share it with friends and family, but I mean on an intimate scale. The friends and family can certainly understand what I'm feeling to an extent, but, Kyle, you're fucking weird.

As always, I find myself in a great time of transition. I feel I'm on the verge of moving on, moving geographically, be it Chicago or Vegas or Nepal. There is more of the world that I need to experience before I become remotely satisfied with myself and my relationship with the world around me. I want to be like Al Gore and travel around and view all of nature melting away and dying at humanity's hands. I want to be a part of the Band-aid, but I don't know how best to do that right now. I shouldn't let a lack of an answer stop me in my tracks and give up, though.

It's the nature of nature to love us, and we haven't reciprocated its love. It's funny how one green destroys another and that greed is actually as powerful as it is. Well, I'm greedy, too. I remember the days of being able to hold a hand and smile and feeling so damn comfortable. Maybe too comfortable. I mean, how can anyone accept looking at my naked body? I surely can't, but I've been working on that. I'm sick at looking in the mirror and going, God, you look so much better with clothes on, you look so much better covering up what nature intended. It's honest moments like these that should frighten me. (And they do.)

I once had a TA that thought that agriculture was the worst thing that happened to humanity. In a way, that's a hard point to argue. Becoming more civilized is just another paradox in all of our lives. God, for one.

I really hope that I'll never feel bad for playing poker as a living just because it's not the norm of society. If it is something I love to do, and it is, I need to continue to work hard and be rewarded. If I am to question my poker playing, it's the "Barry Greenstein ordeal," which means that I feel I can do a lot more to help the world in general than to play poker 40 hours a week. I have the intelligence and the ability to affect the world is seemingly much more significant ways.