Dynamic Days

Sometimes when the body has been sick, not quite right, the mind isn't as sharp and lacks creativity. Add to that a tug on the heartstrings, a chord of heartache, and song of melancholy, and you can pile up the apathy towards being creative. Or at least I can. Then again, according to horoscopes, certain days can be fives stars, and that means "dynamic." Not necessarily good, but dynamic. And maybe it's at times like these that we can experience those Joycean epiphanies that slow down the pace of our day to the microsecond and seemingly mold our futures, at least moreso than most ordinary seconds. So maybe what hasn't come in words has come in broken guitar strings and the purchasing of fresh new notebooks. Fresh pens, too. The joy of fresh materials is sometimes necessary for me when I want to find some creativity again. But I look at this new red notebook, holding my new fine point black pen, and I'm afraid to start. Maybe it's more anxious. What do I say? What do I write? How have I ever written anything before? I know that I always approach new notebooks like this, but it never seems to get any easier. I can't count the number of times I've ruined a good notebook because of something stupid I wrote on the first page. I hate ripping out pages of my notebooks, so that's not a solution. Eventually, I just have to go to a new one, and maybe find some use like scratch paper for the unfortunately notebook that just didn't quite work out.

These dynamic, five star days can and maybe should be written about. But not right now. They have to steep like a good tea. They age and start feeling more poetic or more like a dream, a story that can be told and not just a recounting. There is a big difference between the two. I think I understand the difference better than most, but I think that is also why my output seems to be more and more--less. If time could go by faster, then I could maybe write about more things, but then again, I wouldn't have any time to enjoy the time that is passing by faster than normal. It's easy to panic at 5am, but there are blogs for a reason.